Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
