it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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