i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
