Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
