she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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