We're facebook friends in real life
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
