Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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