I am full of burrito and curiosity
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
