He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
