God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
