I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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