I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize