come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
