he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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