Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
