I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
