I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
