He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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