failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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