May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
