There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
