another moral hangover. fuck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
