That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
