very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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