I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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