I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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