Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
