If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
