It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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