just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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