that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize