Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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