Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
