and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize