If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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