the condom got lost in my hair
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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