Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
