i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it's like iHOP with fire
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
