the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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