I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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