so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
