If i come over, it means nothing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
