I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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