in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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