I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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