If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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