I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
