What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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