We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
