i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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