I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize