My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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