i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
