I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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