remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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