She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
