ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Found the puke drawer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
