Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
