Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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