OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
