he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
