if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
