Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
