so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
