I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
