Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
