She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
