This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
