I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
