You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
