tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
