What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
