her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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