Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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