did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
