true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
