so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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