Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
