Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
