coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
