I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
