he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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