I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
