you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize