i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
