I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
