she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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