so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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