Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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