I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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