It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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