Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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