Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
