If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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