Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
