I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
