I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
